My fears for our little "buttercup" are a wide range!
For starters my greatest fear is that tomorrow's u/s will show the worst case scenerio in my life and that is another loss. A loss before life even began for this lil one.
It's not all that uncommon for the hCg levels to rise and there be no hb.... so that is my fear right now.
And if we get past this fear, my second fear is the cerclage. What if that fails? What if my body fails to accept it and I still end up loosing "buttercup" in the 2nd trimester? It's not all that uncommon either!
And if we get past those two fears , my third fear is that we may end up having a stillbirth! And I don't know if I can handle that either. For the simple fact that my body's done what I think it needs to and still fails to deliver a healthy happy baby in the end. It's known to have happened to many women! and whose to say that I am immuned to this? Nothing!
The seond to last of fears for "buttercup" is what if we get past all these fears and yet there lies another one! SIDS!!! What if I'm not careful , or someone whos watching "buttercup" isn't paying 100% attention and my baby passes away due to SIDS?? Again that's not uncommon either...... it'll ruled as unknown COD but it's still there! SIDS runs through all ages of infancy and even toddler age chidlren...... so what's to say that my baby won't be a "statistic".
And my GREATEST fear in life is SBS! What if someone caring for my "buttercup" ends up getting frustrated and shakes my baby? What if I end up shaking my baby? What if my baby is one of those who get colic and are unconsolable and one wrong move causes SBS? And they pass???? Than what?????
There are so many fears that lie around when you're pregnant, giving birth, after birth that no one thing has an answer.
Any of these can happen and I guess as humans we can't stop it from happening, all we can truly do is HAVE faith and pray that GOD knows what he is doing and pray that your plans and God's plans coincide for the most part, right?
HIS WILL BE DONE!! Right??? Not our will be done.
We can look to HIM for guidance and ask that things will turn out great but if he has other plans for us and our lives I guess there's not much we can do to change God's mind.
Brings me back to the saying..........
FAITH OVER FEAR!!!!!!! some days that's the only way to survive this!!
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I went through some of these fears and still have some. You can't dwell on them. You have to focus on being the best that you can. Find the best people to watch him/her as you can and put your faith in God. I pray every night for Emily to be healthy and to have a long life. I also pray every night for you and your little one.
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