Fears and Worries!!

I have to say I am scared of being pregnant!
I fear that I won't make it full term. I fear that if I do go full term it may end up in a still birth, or in a SIDs passing of my baby.

Every little twinge I feel as if something will go wrong, with each day I feel "fine" I think "omg, I'm not pregnant". Even sitting here tonight typing this I feel cramps and wonder "is it over?", "am I gonna look and see that it's all ending?".

There is no way of relaxing through a pregnancy after loss. I don't know how other women go and do it not once but twice and can contain themselves!

I feel so crazy when I sit here and worry. I wish I could go back in time when I was so ignorant to all of the "bad" things that could happen and just think "hey! a positive test, I'm pregnant!!! let's go shopping for baby things". Instead I walk through stores and wonder "when will I get to buy that outfit for my baby?", or "when can I buy a carseat?".... all in fear that if I buy anything permaant it may all end and I'll be left empty once more.

Today though I invested in a book called "Pregnancy After Loss". I hope that the book will put my heart, mind at ease and let this be a great journey! We also bought a musical mobile and a hamper for the new little bean. I hope by doing this I hope I don't jinx anything and that in 9mons that we'll bring our new bundle of joy home to stay!

I guess fear and worries are normal and natural part of being pregnant after loss! One day soon I pray that God will settle my heart and mind! with the help of my new book!


FAITH OVER FEAR!!!